Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
