This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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