Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
