great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
