So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
