Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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