just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize