we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
