So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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