I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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