She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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