my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
