I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
True strength comes from lack of pants
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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