Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
