You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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