for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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