shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
