I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
