remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
