apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
