Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
