This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
