Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
