This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
