Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
pray to the hookup gods
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize