READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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