I cannot find my penis.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
