he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
