I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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