I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
