The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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