Just fell off a train. Bad.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
