Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
