watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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