Pants 0. Shit 1.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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