we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
did i walk over a car last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In other news, I just burned my penis
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
