Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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