i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
