there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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