I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
