You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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