By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
