and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
