She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
