I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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