Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
