from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
