I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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