I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize