Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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