please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
