not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
