New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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