3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Porn is love you can see.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
