I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
