He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
