Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
