He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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