All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
