nut hugger
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
