So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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