I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
