Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
