One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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