just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
