I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
