haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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